Adam and Eve

A little short story that’s taken me a while.

 

Before Jesus decided to make the verse we now inhabit, many other spirits had created their own verses and enjoyed their creations immensely. Jesus watched these and decided he would make one too. Thus, our universe was born. He took a particular interest in a rather obscure concentration of energy that would later be called Earth by its own inhabitants. He started with landscaping the planet, a mountain range here, some liquid there, some ice on the top and bottom, he had a great time making this planet. Then, he made some things grow out of the ground, but these could not move so he decided to make something that could. He also wanted it to speak and help him with this bundle of energy he had made. Thus, he formed a bundle of energy into a mobile shape and did something special. He put spirit inside of it. This experiment resulted in the first human, Adam. Jesus let Adam roam around this new creation for a while and after an an indeterminate amount of time, decided to introduce himself.
“Hello, Adam.”
“Hi?”
“Hey guys! Check out what I made!”
“Oh hey… Spirits” Adam said to a bevy of glowing spirit balls.
“Hear that, guys? We’re spirits!” The offspring excitedly proclaimed.
“Hey dad! He called us spirits!!!”
The spirits rather liked being called by their names rather than being grouped into a collective. Then again, who are they to argue with the guy that just made this… stuff… not that they weren’t made from stuff, but this was… well, different. He wasn’t the first to do this, but this was different from the others. He made a bundle of energy and put Spirit inside of it. None had ventured to try that before.
“That’s awesome, son” a voice boomed from nowhere in particular. “Tell him to keep it up!”
“God…!” a bewildered Adam blurted.
“He called you God!” “A wonderful name.” “What’s my name?”
“God?”
“No, that’s Dad’s name. Maybe we can both have it though.”
“Jesus Christ…” Adam mumbled.
“Awesome! Keep going!”
“What?”
“Keep naming.”
“Why?”
“What?”
“No. Why?”
“What’s why?”
“For what reason?”
Jesus had never been asked why. He just did what he wanted because it pleased him. Thus, he was confused. Consequently, there had never been a word to answer why. There was no because or any other explanatory words that could relate to why. Thus, Jesus said:
“Jesus wants.”
“To what end?”
“To no end.”
“Then it’s meaningless?”
“Meaningless?”
“Without purpose.”
“Without?”
“Lacking.”
“Lacking?”
“You lack a body.”
“What’s a body?”
At this, Adam began feeling he was made by an idiot.
“The thing I move around in is a body.”
“Oh!!!!” This was the first time Jesus noticed his creation had things he and the others did not. Jesus now wanted a body.
“Like this?” Jesus now had a body.
“…Yes. Like that.”
“This is wonderful!”
“I really wouldn’t know. I have nothing to compare it to.”
“Compare?”
“Nevermind”
“Nevermind?”
“Look, a rock!” Adam said as he pointed at a large, grayish, roundish thing.
The rock was immediately in Jesus’ hand. It made his hand fall. He put it back.
“What was that?!”
“…A rock”
“But what did it do?”
“It fell.”
“…Why?”
Adam nodded as he said “It’s heavy.”
“Why?” Jesus asked excitedly.
Just because someone makes something does not mean they know how it works. Imagine a Picasso painting coming to life and then talking to Picasso. Picasso has no idea what it’s like to be a painting, even though he made it.
“Gravity.”
“What’s that?!”
“It’s what causes me to stay on the ground.”
“Ground?”
“Jump.”
“Jump?”
Adam jumped.
Jesus jumped but did not come down. He stood about three feet up and looked down at Adam’s naked body.
“That’s fly. I said jump.”
“Oh.” Jesus jumped from where he was floating then came down.
“Close enough.”
“So what’s ground?”
“What you just landed on.”
“Landed? on?”
Adam exasperiatedly pointed down.
“Ground!”
“Oh… ground
“Can you make me a Spirit?”
“Nope!”
“Why?”
“It’s a secret!”
“Can you make more people? I’ve been rather bored.”
“People?”
“Things like me.”
“Sure!” A large four legged creature appeared.
“That’s a cow.”
“Oh, ummm…” A larger four legged creature appeared.
“Brontosaurus.”
A smaller two-legged creature appeared.
“Rabbit.”
A smaller eight-legged creature appeared.
“Spider. Person, not animal.”
“Hmm…”
“Dolphin. Put it in the water.”
“What’s water?”
“Blue, down.”
“Down?”

“Tiger.”
“Dung bettle.”
“Bigger dung beetle.”
“Smaller dung beetle.”
“Alligator.”
“Crocodile.”
“I’m tired.”
“Tired?”
“I want to rest.”
“Why?
“So I can regain energy.”
“You lose energy?”
“I have less than I did when we started.”
“Interesting.”
“Can I have something to eat too?”
“Uhh…”
“Condensed energy to put in my mouth so I can absorb the energy.”
“Sure.” A new tree appears. “See that new tree?”
“Apple tree?”
“Don’t eat from it!” Jesus snickers.
“…why?”
“You’ll die!!!!” Jesus bellows.
“Then why did you make it?”
“Jesus wanted. Now tree.”
“What can I eat then?”
“Anything else.”
“How about one of those pomegranates?”
A pomegranate appears.
“…Thanks.”
Jesus was enthralled by the spectacle before him. Eating he called it. Where did it go????
“Can you make it dark?”
“Uhh…”
“Less bright.”
“Okay.”
The sun became the moon and billions of stars around it.
“Good night.”
“Yes! The night pleases me too.”
Adam lay down and went to sleep.
The first day.

* * * *

That night, Jesus watched Adam sleep much the same way Picasso would watch someone he painted after it came to life, talked to him, made parts of his painting disappear into its body, interacted with fresh paintings, talked with the painting of himself he painted and then decided he wanted to lie down in a darker version of the same painting and wouldn’t get up. He was curious.
So, Jesus decided to investigate. He opened Adam up to find the pomegranate by removing a rib and looking around. What he saw astonished him. Adam’s insides scared Jesus and he tried to put everything back where it was. It wouldn’t work. Instead, he just made him like he was. But what about this rib? Jesus decided to experiment. He put the rib in the air, then made another human. Jesus hoped Adam would like this form of person. He hadn’t seemed particularly pleased about any of the other people he made. Jesus went back to the “Spirits” and talked to “First God” for a while. All seemed pleased and interested in Jesus’s work, for none had made a verse quite like Jesus’s in all the multiverse. This one had things like gravity, water, and most peculiarly Adam, which were completely new in the God-Jesus-Spirit-verse, the three things Adam had called this particular entity.
When Jesus noticed Adam stirring, he took on a body again and waited for him to wake up. Jesus found it hard to contain his excitement so he kept making things. He made about seventeen trillion stars in clusters from the time Adam started to open his eyes until he looked at Jesus.
“Can you turn the light on again?”
A little sad, Jesus made the sun appear again, which made his new creations invisible.
“Can you put it lower?”
Jesus put it just above the horizon.
“Can you make it higher?”
Jesus made it rise in the sky over time.
Adam gave up, though over time the arrangement grew on him.
“I made something for you!” Jesus exclaimed, unable to hold in his excitement.
Adam hesitantly looked around, afraid for what Jesus may want him to name next.
“What’s that?”
“Another human Person!”
At this, Adam got up and examined this new creation much more carefully than the others.
“Eve… can you wake her up?”
“Gladly!!” Jesus said as Eve began to move.
“Hello?” Eve hesitantly asked the naked man standing over her.
“Hello.” Adam reassuringly replied as he knelt beside her on the damp grass.
“HEY EVE!” Jesus yelled as he ran over to her. “This is Adam and I’m Jesus!”
“Umm… where am I?”
“You’re on Earth,” they both replied.
“More specifically Eden,” Adam continued. “He made it,” pointing to Jesus who had a ridiculously large grin on his face.
“I sure did! And everything else here, including you two!”
“Why?”
“That’s what I asked him. Jesus wants was the reply.”
“Well… I made Eve because Adam wants, which made me want too!”
“So… Adam… umm… what do we do?”
“Good question. Thus far I’ve just been naming things. For instance that tree over there is an apple tree. If I eat from it I die. I suppose that goes for you too…”
“YEP! You’ll die!!!”
“I’m still not quite sure what that means though. I didn’t come up with that word. Most of the time I’ve been teaching Jesus things… he’s not from here.”
“Where’s he from?”
“It’s hard to explain. Jesus?”
“Well,” Jesus said as he disappeared, to which Eve jumped to her feet “FROM HERE!” boomed a voice from nowhere in particular.
“There’s a lot of them,” Adam told Eve. “Can you bring some of the other Spirits to meet Eve?”
“Sure,” Jesus bellowed as about five hundred glowing spirit balls appeared in Eden. “Meet Adam and Eve.” Each showed recognition in one form or another. Some nodded up and down, others made circles, some got bigger then shrank, a few came up to the humans, and one went straight through both of them, all accompanied their movements with introductions. At this point, several billion black holes came into existence across the verse. Adam and Eve lay on the ground motionless.
“What happened?!” The voices asked in unison.
“I’m not really sure… can ya’ll come back later?” Jesus asked as several of the glowing spirit balls joked about how fragile Jesus’s verse was.
Jesus became body again and shook Adam and Eve until they woke up.
“You guys okay?”
“What?!” Adam replied. Eve did not reply as she was looking around the garden and could not see Jesus’s lips move.
“I THINK YOU BROKE OUR EARS!”
“Oh. Hold on.”
“IS THAT BETTER?” Adam and Eve fell to the ground and clutched their ears in unison.
“Holy shit, quieter! But yes, thank you.”
Eve lay on the ground massaging her forehead as Adam rose once again.
“Eve, those were Jesus’s Spirit friends.”
Eve looked around at the trees, animals, stream, mountains, sky, and just about everything else, pausing for a while on the apple tree, then asked “Jesus, what exactly am I supposed to do?”
“Whatever you want! And make more to do the same.”
“How?” Eve asked; Adam was curious too.
“You and Adam.”
“How?” Adam looked at the thing he excreted waste from and thought there may be something odd going on here. Eve had nothing of the sort.
“Adam’s…” Jesus pointed to Adam’s crotch.
“Penis” Adam reluctantly helped.
“Adam’s penis goes in your…”
Adam wasn’t as prepared for this one. He looked where Jesus was pointing and decided on “Vagina.”
“Adam’s penis goes in your vagina and…”
“I’m NOT peeing in her!” Eve stood covering her groin with her wide eyes fixed on Adam’s penis.
“No, no, no, this is different. You’ll see!”
“He is NOT putting his penis in there!”
“Quite honestly, I’m a little hesitant on that one too…”
“SURPRISE!” Jesus blurted as both stared him down.
“I can show you how if you want.”
“HELL NO!”
“Well, you’ll figure it out. I’ll leave you two alone for a while. Say my name if you need me.” Jesus disappeared.
The second day.

* * * *

Adam awoke and got up from his straw mat to find Eve’s empty. He heard a fire crackling through the entrance to their newly erected shelter. Adam was quite proud of this achievement, and Eve had been busy decorating it. They had been living in what Adam called a lean-to, but a thunderstorm compelled Adam to make something more sheltered. Eve did not object, and helped gathering materials and weaving materials together. Working together had made the two enjoy each other much more than after their first meeting. Adam worked on erecting the frame of the house from trees that had fallen in the thunderstorm while Eve worked on thatching together palm fronds for a roof. She tried to convince a Capuchin monkey to help, but it pinched her left nipple and climbed back into the trees. So they worked. The walls turned out to be the hardest part and were as yet unfinished. They originally tied rope – made by stripping hemp fibers from the stem and braiding them together – from beam to beam then tied palm fronds to the ropes. Two walls were still made this way, but Adam had come up with a vast improvement he called mudboo where bamboo shoots are dug into the ground about 6 inches and attached to the roof with interweaved rope then sealed together with mud and rope making them much more resistant to the weather. Eve had taken a liking to decorating the mud wall with daisies and lillies, and had recently figured out how to make a color paste that stays on the dried mud walls. Adam walked beneath the opening in their home and as he saw Eve heating up some fruit declared “We should do something about this hole in our wall.” Eve looked up at the hole and said
“But how will we get in without the hole?”
“We should make something that can be a hole or a wall, that can open and close.”
“How???”
“I’m not sure yet, but if the water falls again, we will want the hole to be closed.”
“Well, that’s true. But we still need to do the rest of the walls.”
“Mmhmm. Anyways, I like what you’ve done with the flowers and color paste on the mudboo.”
Eve smiled at Adam with her head cocked to the side and soft lips curled up. Adam sat across from her on a large log rolled there for just the purpose and pulled out his stone axe.
“Marmy!” Eve yelled out. Adam turned around just in time to see the Spider monkey leap to his log then bound over the fire into Eve’s embrace.
“Well, hello there Marmy. What ya got there for us?”
Marmy reached his free hand up to Eve to reveal a red fruit about the size of Adam’s fist.
“Marmy! Don’t give me that! I’ll die!”
They had found out what die meant when Jesus got mad at a large Tyranosaurus Rex for falling on him and made him and a lot of other big animals plunge into the ground. This had terrified Adam and Eve and made Jesus disappear again. They hadn’t said his name since then.
“Marmy doesn’t understand you, Eve. Just don’t eat it.”
Eve glared at Adam then threw the apple into the stream that ran near their home.
“What do you say we take a break today? We could go exploring?”
Eve began to form a smile then retracted to pouting.
Adam got up slowly and began walking towards Eve saying “Well, fine but I’m…” Adam grabbed the little monkey and yelled “Taking Marmy With Me!” and ran behind Eve down the stream with the frightened monkey.
“Get back here!” Eve protested as she ran after him, but she lost him after a bend in the stream.
“Adam?”
She heard a rustle to her right and ran towards the noise, but found nothing.
“Adam?” This time she heard a monkey’s cackle above her and when she looked, saw a fig coming at her. She jumped to the side and brought her hands up to catch it just in time.
“Nice catch!” Adam said as he applauded, with Marmy mimicking the motion on his shoulder.
“Get down from there!”
Adam complied, but Marmy was in Eve’s arms before Adam hit the ground, which he did rather hard and struggling to keep his balance tripped face forward over a fallen branch into a patch of mud. Eve couldn’t help but laugh with Adam’s head halfway submerged in the mud and when he got up, chased after him into the stream and floated along laughing and playing with Marmy until they found some hippos which let them ride them. Adam came up with a game where each tried to get the other to fall off their hippo, which he let her win and took the berating willingly. They explored the forest for hours and barely got back before the sun disappeared. That night, Eve moved her straw mat next to Adam’s and they found out what Jesus had meant by how to make more. And they found that it was good, very good in fact.
The ninety-fifth day.

* * * *

“Adam, wake up!!!” Eve screamed as she sat above a puddle on their matted floor.
“What’s the… what happened?! Are you alright?! Jesus!!!” Marmy ran in and screeched as he collided with the newly there Jesus.
“Why hello guys… Oh wow! This is going to be an exciting day!” Marmy looked up at Jesus and gave one shrill shriek as he hit him behind the knee.
“What’s going on?!” Eve asked between heavy breaths.
“You’re going to give birth to a new human Person. It’s been growing inside your belly for quite some time and is coming out today.”
“I thought you were just going to make him come out!”
“No, no, no. My creating is done and has been for a while now. This is what I meant by YOU making more. A new child will be born today!”
Adam watched helplessly as Eve grimaced and clutched the woven mat beneath her.
“How long?”
“Good question. It’s never happened before. At least not a human birth.”
“What should we do?”
“You, Adam, should give this woman whatever she needs. Also, get your axe. Eve, just hold on and let the baby come out. From now on, I will be watching from a distance, but you will not see me again. Good luck, human People. Take care of each other, and take care of this place.” Jesus disappeared.
“What the hell? Jesus get back here!” Jesus did not come back, nor would he for a long, long time.
“I don’t think he’s coming back, Eve. Just hold on, I’m going to get the axe.”
“What do you need an AXE for?!”
“I have no idea, but he said I’d need it.”
Over the next few hours, Eve periodically screamed in anguish and clutched the mat, with her vagina growing larger and larger. Many animals joined Marmy in watching, some of which had been born like this child was going to be, others which had given birth as Eve was about to, and others that were simply created like these two. Adam consoled, or at least tried to, as Eve cursed the night they decided to make more. He could do nothing for her, and could not take her pain away. For twelve and a half hours this went on, Eve unable to move, cursing the house, cursing her decorations, cursing Adam, but most of all cursing Jesus. For just as long, Adam wondered why he needed an Axe. Periodically, Marmy would arrive with some food, but Eve ate nothing, simply waiting for the next burst of pain.
But twelve and a half hours after the water left her, Marmy showed up with an apple, and as Adam tried to grab it away, Eve took a bite. Adam watched, waiting for her to plummet into the Earth, and when he realized he’d be alone, took a bit himself. Nothing happened. Eve cursed the apple and Jesus again and again, while Adam wondered what this meant. Forty-five minutes later, Eve gave birth to the first human child, a boy. Adam cut the cord and asked what she would like to name him, but she just lay there panting and entirely limp. He thought she was going to die, so he named the boy Cain, for her death would hurt him greatly, yet give him a child.
The three hundred and sixty-fifth day.

* * * *

Eve did not die, much to her dismay at the time, but regained her health and grew even more affectionate towards Adam and loved Cain very much. Jesus kept his word and did not come back, so Adam and Eve lived with one another the rest of their days and when Eve was killed by a tiger at nine hundred and four, Adam lost his appetite for life and died a mere twenty-six years later, the same day as Marmey. They bore seven children in total, but only six remained at Adam’s death as Cain had killed his brother Abel at age two hundred and seventy-three. This upset both Adam and Eve and they sent him and his wife – their daughter Sephora – away. They spoke much of Jesus and the apple and eventually decided that eating the apple meant independence and that they were to live on their own from that point forward, and this satisfied them. They lived many years by the instructions of Jesus – do what you want and make more – and found that except for the days of birth, they loved living and making more. Thus ends the story of the first human People, Adam and Eve, my favorite creations.
Great story, Son! Now, have I got an idea for you…

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